A vibrant blend of humor and culture, Filipino jokes often center around the unique quirks and idiosyncrasies of Filipino life. Their language encompasses everything from wordplay and playful fun at the intricate interplay of Tagalog and English to light-hearted observations of local customs, food and everyday experiences.
While many of the puns may seem meaningless or lost in translation to those unfamiliar with Filipino culture, they resonate deeply with Filipinos, evoking a sense of shared understanding and collective laughter. However, like all cultural humor, these jokes must be responsibly appreciated and respect the cultural context in which they arose.
Best Filipino Jokes
What do you call a Filipino Jiu-Jitsu Actor?
Manila-Ordner.
What if a Dutchman marries a Filipino?
Her child is Holapino.
How can I get pregnant from eating watermelon?
you watermelon
What are the names of the two Filipino pilots?
a pincer.
There was a Filipino and a foreigner in the elevator.
The elevator opened and another Filipino walked in and asked, "Bababa ba?" (Is he coming down?) Another Filipino replied, "Bababa" (Is he coming down).
Confused, the foreigner asked the two, "Do you speak a real language?"
What is the funniest joke in the Philippines?
Philippine elections.
What did one Filipino statue say to another?
"Is it a statue?"
What did Bangus say to the other guy in the frying pan?
"Help, I'm here!"
What do you call a Filipino?
Filipino (because of the jalapeno).
Friend: I'm on my way to Filipino class!
Another friend: Hey, I've always wanted to learn a new language. Can I use Tagalog?
respected:Tagalog jokes
How do you know if someone is Filipino?
They will tell you.
What do you call someone who is half Filipino and half Greek?
a free man.
Why don't we see jeepneys at races?
Because it always stops for passengers.
A Filipino, a Chinese and a Japanese drink in a bar.
When a beautiful lady approached her and said, "Anyone who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in one creative sentence can marry me tonight."
So the Chinese said, "I like liver and cheese." She said, "That's not good enough." The Japanese said, "I hate liver and cheese." She said, "That's not creative."
Finally, Filipinos say, "Just the liver, the cheese is mine!"
A 13-year-old girl walks into a bar.
got a job
What does "P.S." mean at the end of a letter from a Filipino?
Polgot stuff.
How do we know the Philippines is a noisy place?
Even tilapia can't stop "talking".
Three Philippine bears drive their car into the lake.
Which one doesn't get wet? dry bear.
Which one isn't dead? Surfer.
Who fixes the car? McGabel.
What sounds do Filipino horses make when running?
Tagalog – Tagalog – Tagalog – Tagalog.
A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American tested a magic pool that turns water into any substance if you call it before jumping in.
The Japanese threw away their clogs, shouted "Sakeeeee!!" and ran to the pool. He landed happily at 5 feet. The Russian tossed the AK-47 aside and ran to the pool yelling "Vodka!" as he flew into the air. He swam happily, and then drank the purest Russian vodka. The Filipino threw away the banana he was eating and yelled "lambanog!" as he somersaulted into the pool and landed 1.5 meters deep in the best coconut wine. American throws iPhone aside, runs to pool, puts on banana peel and yells "Shitttt!"
Why didn't the Philippine bananas go to work today?
It doesn't peel well.
Filipino Word of the Day: Chicken Nut Bread
Juan: My girl has asthma, so sometimes she eats chicken nut bread.
Two idiots bragging to each other.
"In my hometown, we were so poor we ate lizards that climbed walls," Manny said.
"Oh yeah? In my hometown, we eat shit just to survive," Jin-ki said.
Then Manny started shitting on his hands. "Okay. Eat this."
Kim Ki said, "Why? We're not in our hometown.”
Why are Filipinos so clingy?
Because they are always Tagalog.
What does the Philippine Post always have?
Manila envelope.
What is the difference between Filipinos and Mexicans?
Nothing, Filipinos are just the Mexicans of Asia.
respected:mexican joke
A Filipino dies and goes to hell. There he discovered that every country has a different hell. He first came to German hell and asked, “What are they doing here?” He was told, “First they put you in the electric chair for an hour. Then they stuck you in a bed of nails for another hour. Then…” The German devil will come and whip you all day long.
The man didn't like the sound at all, so he walked on. He examines Hell in America as well as Hell in Russia and more. He thought they more or less resembled German hell.
Then he came to Filipino Hell and found that there was a long line waiting to be let in. Surprised, he asked, "What are they doing here?" He was told, "First they put you in the electric chair for an hour. Then they put you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Filipino devil will come and whip you all day.
"But it's exactly the same as in other hells. Why are so many people waiting to go in?”
"Because there was always a power outage, the electric chair didn't work. Someone stole all the nails and sold them by the kilo. And the devil used to be an officer, so he came in and stamped and shook their hands. Everyone who was waiting there and went home……”
What are Filipinos' favorite things to do?
shopping and gossip.
What jokes do Filipinos tell?
Pun.
What about the often-complaining Filipino basketball player?
Nothing but why.
A Frenchman, a Japanese and a Filipino were captured by tribesmen.
The chief said to them, "Go into the forest and pick whatever you want."
Fearing for their lives, they all went into the forest and picked the first fruit they saw.
The Frenchman came back first with three apples in his hand.
The chief said to the Frenchman, "If you can put all three apples up your ass with a straight face, you can go."
One apple went up, but he hit the second apple and was killed by the tribesmen.
Then the Filipino came back with some grapes.
The chief said to the Frenchman, "If you can put all the grapes up your ass with a straight face, you can go."
A bunch of grapes rose, then a second and a third, but he burst out laughing, so the tribesmen killed him.
In heaven, the Frenchman asks the Filipino why he died because grapes are easy to eat.
The Filipino replied, "I know, but I laughed so much when I saw the Japanese holding jackfruit."
What do you call a Filipino teacher abroad?
maid.
Did you know that there is a terrorist organization called MILF in the Philippines?
This is what makes Filipino terrorists prey on MILFs.
respected:Asian jokes
Why has the Philippines only won one Olympic gold medal so far in its history?
Because karaoke is not an Olympic event.
John and Peter took a flight with Philippine Airlines and everything was going well, but suddenly there was an engine problem and an alarm went off in the cockpit. The pilot sent a PSA to the cabin saying, “Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. Unfortunately we lost an engine but rest assured I will keep you safe.”
What is the most commonly used wine in the Philippines?
Afro-Filipino.
What were the names of girls born in the capital of the Philippines in the late 1980s and 1990s?
female.
When the plane landed on the water, the captain calmly said, “Hello passengers, we landed on the water successfully, I hope you are all doing well! Well, everyone who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. Those who cannot walk, please turn left.
Peter said to John, "Parey, that's why I love Philippine Airlines. They always have a backup plan for every situation!”
John replied, "Yes Paley, I agree, the crew is well trained for these situations!"
After categorizing everyone according to their swimming ability, the captain said, "Anyone who can swim is on the right side of the plane. Please carefully disembark the aircraft immediately. And those who sit on the left side of the plane…" "
"Thank you for flying with Philippine Airlines."
What are the most popular Filipino Boy Scout cookies?
Consequences.
Have you heard of the man who wanted to swim to the Philippines from America?
Until he realizes that the sea is just huge over there.
One day there were a Russian, a Chinese and a Filipino on board.
The Russians got a gun and threw it overboard.
The Chinese asked, "Why did you throw that?"
The Russian replied, "Don't worry, there are a lot of them in our homeland."
Then the Chinese threw the phone into the sea.
The Russian asked, "Why did you throw that?"
The Chinese replied, "It's okay, we have a lot of them in China."
The Filipinos then grabbed the Chinese and threw him overboard.
The Russian yelled, "Why the hell are you doing that?!"
The Filipino said, "It's okay, we have a lot of these in the Philippines."
Why do Filipino kids always follow you?
For they were taught Targalon.
What ball can you swim with?
These are fish balls.
An Asian woman saw her Asian husband sitting on an airplane reading a book about Asian stereotypes.
Slightly annoyed, but just as curious, she asked her neighbor: "What's in the book?"
Her neighbor said, "According to the book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are loyal."
Surprised by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical claims in the book, the woman asked, "Are these based on facts?"
Her neighbor said: "Not quite, but these are not refuted either." Then he turned to the woman and asked: "What is your name?"
The woman thought for a while and said, "Maria Nguyen-Suzuki."
Where did you lose your Filipino friends?
In the typhoon.
What happened to Filipino fishermen's hard-earned fish?
Arrested for illegal fishing in China.
What do rabbits and poor families in the Philippines have in common?
They are sure to produce many offspring.
Time to combine humor with culture and make up your own Filipino jokes. This is the perfect opportunity to celebrate vibrant Filipino culture and laugh out loud. Let's see how you can capture the Filipino spirit with humor, so crack some jokes!